I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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