he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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