oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
