Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this will be a night to untag.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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