it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
