I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
