her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
