You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
