its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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