"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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