Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
