Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
