My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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