awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
