I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just googled if crying burns calories
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
