yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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