you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
