forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
