During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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