I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
