I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize