Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
