hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
