I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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