and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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