Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
