Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
