Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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