Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
