I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
