you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize