im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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