Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
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