you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
