i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
