So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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