Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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