My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize