I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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