Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
