i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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