I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
