We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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