Yo dont text me then not text me
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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