I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
