I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize