; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
