Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You're like the curious george of whores
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
