ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
