I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
