repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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