My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize