I can text with my tongue
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
