Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
