Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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