Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
