I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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