There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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