he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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