how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
