to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
