I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
