Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
