I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
