I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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