oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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