what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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