I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
