wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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